The Big “P” Word
Every month there’s a certain post I want to make on twitter or instagram, and every month I hesitate to send it out. That’s because it’s something we don’t talk about very much as girls, certainly not in open settings anyway. That phrase is, “Thank God — His grace is enough for my biggest PMS day!”
So this month, when it crossed my mind on that one day every month that it would; on that one day where my perspective is woefully skewed — I had a chance to share my thoughts on the matter and my post that I’ve never actually posted with a few friends over lunch. I had an easy in. The topic of Solomon and his 700 wives and 300 concubines came up in discussion. In my current state, I couldn’t help but think about 1000 women living under one roof, vying for the same guy — talk about drama! The bachelor surely has nothing on what King Solomon faced! And, I thought about how women’s cycles have a tendency to sync up when they live in close quarters. That’s 1000 women with PMS hitting about the same time for all of them, every month! When that time came around, I’m sure Solomon was like, “peace out. I’m going to be scouting the land or hunting for the next week. Send someone when all is back to normal…” I CAN NOT even imagine what that would have been like.
What surprised me while talking with friends about it that day, was how open people were about the subject. Both men and women had thoughts on the matter. A young engaged friend said he and his fiancé talk about it when that touchy time comes each month. I was so amazed at the wisdom he had before even becoming a husband yet. He said, “I want to know when those days are, so that I can be more gracious to her, and so that I can be mindful of how I say things and how I’m coming across.” Another newly married man encouraged me to write about it and give wisdom for couples on how to communicate about it in healthy ways, and to give tips on how husbands can support their wives when they need it. Yet another friend said her boyfriend said he can tell when she’s PMS’ing because she literally changes, and he can see it on her. Lastly, a dear girl friend and colleague and I talked about how we have to deal with it in private at work, because we can’t have outbursts and then blame it on PMS – that would be unprofessional. And so we suffer in silence, we call on God’s grace (which praise God, IS really enough for those days), and we go on… month after month hoping we can make it through that one, two or three-day time when we just aren’t our normal, cheery selves.
After lots of great dialogue and encouragement from some friends, I’ve decided to start the conversation on the big “p” word by digging into some of the thoughts and tips that came up during my discussions with my friends.
- First, I was blown away by how mindful the men were about being in the know on their wives, fiance’s and girls friends monthly schedules. One friend told me her husband put her start dates on his calendar, so he would see it coming, and then when she had off moments, he’d know why. Another friend said he and his girl talk about it so he can be in the loop and be sensitive to her needs. The key, it’s ok for you guys to be proactive and track dates and engage in conversations to help you understand how to support your girlfriends and wives during that time.
- Second, personally take care of yourself during those times of the month you might be a little off or somewhat more sensitive than normal. Allow yourself some extra rest by going to bed earlier or staying in bed a little later in the morning, and be sure to eat well, drink plenty of water, pamper yourself and exercise. Those things that are a natural part of staying healthy are even more critical during these times of the month. And also connecting with God is key. It really is okay to say,” God help me through today. Help me by on my A-game despite these hormones, and thank you that your grace is enough for my worst PMS day!”
- Lastly, be aware of your actions and responses. Take breaks and time outs if needed to step back during the day, pray again, reach out to a friend or your spouse or significant other for prayer and an ear, and remind yourself, this too shall pass!
If you have any tips as a man or woman on dealing wisely with the very natural “P” word. I’d love to hear it! Here’s to starting the conversation.